Weary Kind

Thats me.
Summer is supposed to be relaxing and refreshing. It's warm out. Sunny and happy.
I don't really like the sun. It's headachy.
There is no sun in surgery.
There's not much sun the hospital either.
Little hazy in my heart.
The remedy elusive.

Will there be yellow in heaven?

Mustard Yellow. Hells. Yes.

Could you promise me that when I find you, you will love me with all your heart, soul, and mind?

Dream Job? Possibly...

I had the interesting opportunity (by interesting I mean that I was awkwardly approached in a coffee shop by an aspiring photographer who turned into a friend) to model for some experimental photographers, one of whom turned out to be a professional! This was quite exciting, as this is something I have experience in and have been training my whole life for. Comments are welcome.

They say you can't have everything you want. But shouldn't you get some things you want?

Your face is a minor detail.

It's hard to see other people happier than yourself. You want to be happy for them, and a part of you really is.
But half of my heart just isn't.
I'll bring my smile back around for you
But try not to expect too much

Shortylocks

It has been about three weeks, but here is a picture of my lovely new hair.

You were right about one thing

I did it.
I was wrong.
I guess you could say I got used to being right.
Maybe not being right. Just being better than I really was.
It felt so good to be the one with good advice, the selfless one, the one who knew who I was, and so it goes...
It only takes one disastrous night to ruin that facade. But was it only a facade or was it the real thing? I'd like to believe I was really like that and that I still am!
I AM STRONG AND CONFIDENT.
Does writing it in capital letters make it more true?

It doesn't feel like it...

I Recognize Those Desperate Eyes

They are searching and longing
For love and other things
Rejection and betrayal were frequent guests.

They say time is meant to heal.
why does it still hurt so bad?

I raised me hand eagerly
To hand you my own love
on a pretty little plate

Let me give you all I have
And gladly
Because a greater love has loved me
So I will love you
And take away your desperation
If God wills

But I can't get you out of the sunlight
And I can't get you out of the rain
I can't get you anywhere you should be

I try
and try
and try


and then I realize those desperate eyes are mine...

Sadness was always my strength...

It's weird to think that I'm good at being sad. I even like being sad. I could be a poster child for Cymbalta. There aren't a lot of sad things that happen to me...really.

But still the sadness chases me. And now, in the stress of it all that is life, I am caught once again in my sad complacency. Enveloped yet empowered. A strange mix.

People have a strong desire to be heard and understood. So strong, that it becomes the center of their world, and thus should also be the center of my world. Yes, you matter, but my universe does not revolve around you. Please don't drag me down to your dark kingdom of me-ness. I've got my own castle to secure darlin. Please don't strip me of my own selfishness. I'm all I've got left, don't ya know? You keep me spiralling down...down...down...