Let Me Make You Feel Good

I'm currently addicted to the song in the HP printer commercial "Brand New Key." I think its an old country song. I was singing in front of one of my patients yesterday and she kept asking me to sing it over and over for her. Later she wanted me to sing it for her husband (weird?)
I tucked her in at the end of my shift and right as I was leaving, that commercial came on and I got really excited and she had this adorable smile on her face. I was singing along with is and she just smiled this peaceful smile. I think I teared up as I walked out.
Its these moments that make my job worth it.

French Toast

There is the smell of french toast wafting down (do things waft down? or only up?) from the apartment above me. It smells so good and homey. My mom made french toast almost every day when I was growing up and smelling it really takes me back. Thanks for all those yummy memories mom!

Rituals

If you grew up in Christian circles at all, you will understand this. People are always telling you that God is where your value can be found, not people. So read your Bible and pray and be close to God and stuff like that and then you won't have to worry about how much people like you or listen to you or care about you...and stuff like that.

It's probably true.

But I like being around people that like me. I've noticed that I tend to heavily gravitate towards groups that like me. I have a friend group that let me be "the healer" because I would come in and have good talks with everyone and then things would get better. This lasted for quite a while and I glowed in the glory of being wanted.
I take care of sick people. My co-workers love me because I take shifts for them and go out of my way to help out all the time. I have friends because people would say, "Your the only one that..." I am completely content when I am needed.
When I sweep into patient's rooms, they instantly love because I have a cute haircut and red hair and dimples and can still smile even though we are in a hospital.

When one of these fails to meet my need for value, I move onto a different one. It becomes a consistant ritual...finding people that need me.

People need each other, but God doesn't need us.

Does he?

How to Starve A Rock...

This weekend my good friend Laura and I went to Starved Rock State Park, located in Oglesby, Illinois. Laura lives in a Chicago suburb and has been enjoying her freedom as an adult with a full time job at a church in Arlington Heights! She drove down to meet me at the park for a hike.
Starved Rock consists of several canyons nestled among the Illinois River.



The park gets its name from a group of Indians that holed themselves up on the rock to defend against their enemies and starved to death before they could win.




The views and scenery were beautiful break from the usual flat lands that Illinois has shown me so far...






All in all it was a fabulous hike and made me miss my homeland which is full of beautiful hikes!

PS 61 days to graduation!

Current Coping Mechanisms

Glass of wine and a 9 o'clock bedtime.

And putting hoops in my nose.

I wrote you a letter but I never sent it

I did it for myself.

Me And The Man Who Does Not Exist

The only exceptions to my happiness of late are the following:
1. It turns out that the last semester of nursing school is more stressful than all three beforehand. 'Nough said.
2. My life of my dearest Rainbows were sadly cut short by the teeth of Sadie the Asthmatic Yorkie. There are probably a few people that understand the depth of my feelings for these shoes. Those tears of rage were my closest friends.

Aside from these set backs, I am enjoying life [for once].
I love my job.
I love my friends.
Copious amounts of wonderful friends.
Looking for jobs. --scary--
Discovering that I'm not sure I want the things I used to want. --crazy--

So what do I want?

...I don't know...

If I could be any part of you, I’d be your tears. To be
conceived in your heart, born in your eyes, live on your cheeks, and die on your lips.
- Unknown

Weary Kind

Thats me.
Summer is supposed to be relaxing and refreshing. It's warm out. Sunny and happy.
I don't really like the sun. It's headachy.
There is no sun in surgery.
There's not much sun the hospital either.
Little hazy in my heart.
The remedy elusive.