Shortylocks

It has been about three weeks, but here is a picture of my lovely new hair.

You were right about one thing

I did it.
I was wrong.
I guess you could say I got used to being right.
Maybe not being right. Just being better than I really was.
It felt so good to be the one with good advice, the selfless one, the one who knew who I was, and so it goes...
It only takes one disastrous night to ruin that facade. But was it only a facade or was it the real thing? I'd like to believe I was really like that and that I still am!
I AM STRONG AND CONFIDENT.
Does writing it in capital letters make it more true?

It doesn't feel like it...

I Recognize Those Desperate Eyes

They are searching and longing
For love and other things
Rejection and betrayal were frequent guests.

They say time is meant to heal.
why does it still hurt so bad?

I raised me hand eagerly
To hand you my own love
on a pretty little plate

Let me give you all I have
And gladly
Because a greater love has loved me
So I will love you
And take away your desperation
If God wills

But I can't get you out of the sunlight
And I can't get you out of the rain
I can't get you anywhere you should be

I try
and try
and try


and then I realize those desperate eyes are mine...

Sadness was always my strength...

It's weird to think that I'm good at being sad. I even like being sad. I could be a poster child for Cymbalta. There aren't a lot of sad things that happen to me...really.

But still the sadness chases me. And now, in the stress of it all that is life, I am caught once again in my sad complacency. Enveloped yet empowered. A strange mix.

People have a strong desire to be heard and understood. So strong, that it becomes the center of their world, and thus should also be the center of my world. Yes, you matter, but my universe does not revolve around you. Please don't drag me down to your dark kingdom of me-ness. I've got my own castle to secure darlin. Please don't strip me of my own selfishness. I'm all I've got left, don't ya know? You keep me spiralling down...down...down...

The New Hair

So I have recently discovered my next hair adventure. This is Carey Mulligan, my inspiration. I want to cut my hair this short and dye it this color. I had mine this gorgeous shade of reddish-brown last summer and it was delicious so I'm going to bring it back. No lie. Comments?

(500) Days of Winter

Dear Winter,
Why are you mad at me? I said I was sorry. We used to be friends and now your blowing snow in my face. Will you just get over it and come skip stones with me like we used to?
I hate being sad. But you leave me no choice.
Hurry before its too late.

Love Kat

Nostalgia

nos⋅tal⋅gia
   [no-stal-juh, -jee-uh, nuh-]
–noun
1. a wistful desire to return in thought or in fact to a former time in one's life, to one's home or homeland, or to one's family and friends; a sentimental yearning for the happiness of a former place or time: a nostalgia for his college days.

I want to go home. There is peace there from the madness. I am mad. I am part of the madness. But it doesn't fit me. I am lost inside of it.
...a little drowning...
How do you save a dying drowner?

Take her home.

Leave her loved.

Love the leaver.

In her home.

Snow Day Grace

Long week. Hard weekend. One day to recover was not enough. And going to Superbowl parties are not relaxing. But Monday it was back to the grind along with a huge snow storm. By some stroke of white sky, we got a snow day!
Slept an extra 3 hours.
Watched 4 hours of One Tree Hill.
Ate sushi.
Tried to work on Community project. Failed.
Bought a webcam!
Moped around.

Best day.

There's 2 hours left.

All good things come to an end.

i can't fix you

I'm trying my best but I can't succeed.
Your getting what you want, but its not what you need.
Your so tired, but you can't sleep.
The tears are streaming down your face.
You've lost something you can't replace.
You've loved someone, but it's gone to waste.
Your too in love to let it go...
But if you never try...you'll never know what your worth.

If lights don't guide you home or warm your bones...


...I'll try to fix you...


k.d. with a lil help from coldplay

Sigh...useless planning for the future

Well...I'm pretty sure I found my wedding dress. I'll never get to wear it, but at least I knew what it looked like!

So here is what I love....

a. the simplicity - its not fancy, but its still elegant in its own unique way (this girl's mom made it).
b. the accessories are so creative and fitting. i love the little jacket and belt. they add style and a little color.
c. the necklace (she made it). its big and chunky but it blends in so well to the outfit that you would really only notice it if it was gone.
d. the train. it swoops out like it was always meant to be there.
e. the pouf at the back of the waist. it reminds me of a hoopskirt from Gone With the Wind. I smiled.